bob goes to a party with his girlfriend strapped to his back. when he gets there peter tells him he should have come in fancy dress. bob says "i have, ive come as a tortoise""what makes you think that" says peter."this is michelle on me back" says bob. :)



anymore!!!

very good. I liked it.
Tracey

yesterday the doctor told me i was colour blind.

the news came like a bolt out of the green.

three people were marooned on an island for years and years. one day a bottle washed up on the shore.
they took it up and took off the top. out poped a geni who offered them three wishes. they agreed that they would have one wish each.
the first a man from tortosa wished he would be back with his friends from the forum - - - - - - and his wish was granted. the second a man from amposta wished he was in his boat fishing on the river ebro - - - - - - and his wish was granted. the third was a man from newcastle, where they do not even have a football team, or sunshine was feeling very sad and alone wished that his two friends were back on the island with him.  

a man and woman went to a restaurant and the lady wanted the mild mannered green squid with the hairy lip from the tank for her main course. the waiter took the mild mannered green squid with the hairy lip to the kitchen and gave it to the french chef jevaisse. as he raised the cleaver to chop off its head, it looked up at him with puppy dog eyes and said "please dont kill me". so he couldnt. so he called over the german washer up Hans and told him to kill the squid. as Hans raised the cleaver to chop off its head , the mild mannered green squid with the hairy lip looked up at him with puppy dog eyes and said " please dont kill me". so Hans couldnt do it either.

the moral of the story is that Hans that do dishes can be as soft as jevaisse with a mild green hairy lipped squid!!!!

Two old dears board a train in Norway.Whilst patiently waiting,a Local teddy boy sits down opposite and starts picking his nose and breaking wind.....After a while he wanders of to the buffet car and buys a couple of cans of lager and promptly sits back down to drink.The old ladies looked on in amazement as he spat out the lager and threw the last remaining can down the corridor,swearing and cursing as usual.

The moral is.....

(This one is better told at christmas time as you'll soon find out)


Rude Olf the Ted loaths train beer.

A women walks into a pub and asks the barman for a Double Entendre.      So he gave her one.