Your giggle for today

The pastor asked the congregation if anyone wished to express praise for answered prayers.

Judy Smith stood and walked to the podium.

She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed.

The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.

"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with unified relief.

The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "I'm Tom Smith."

The entire congregation held its breath.

"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum." 

A couple were both 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years.  Though they were far from rich, they managed to live a good life because they watched their pennies.

Though not young as they would like, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise during the  last several decades.

One day, their good health could not save them, when they went on a rare vacation and they were both killed in a terrible auto accident, sending them off to Heaven.

As they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter escorted them inside.  He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath.  A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.  They gasped in astonishment when St. Peter said, "Welcome to Heaven.
This will be your home now."
 
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.  "Why, nothing," Peter replied, "Remember, this is your reward in Heaven."  The old man looked out the window and there he saw a beautiful championship golf course, better then anything he had seen on Earth. "What are the greens fees?" grumbled the old man.  "This is heaven," St. Peter replied, "You can play for free, every day." Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch,with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them,from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts,and free flowing beverages.
"Don't even ask," said St. Peter to the man, "This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy."

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.  "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?," he asked.  "That's the best part," St. Peter replied, "You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick.    This is Heaven!"

The old man then ask, "No gym to work out at?"  "Not unless you want to," was the answer.  "No testing my sugar or blood pressure or.."   "Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself." 

The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your bran muffins.  We could have been here ten years ago!"

KINDA BRINGS A TEAR TO YOUR EYE DOESN'T IT?